The Quest Begins

I have this furious tendency to search for the perfect words to express myself, the perfect interpretation of a book / film / etc., or the perfect description of a political ideal. I like to critique others' ideas (at least in thought or in writing), but I often feel afraid of being critiqued myself, as if one person's disagreement will destroy my opinions or render them useless, or worse, pronounce them as Imperfect. Sometimes I will sit for hours rewording, rephrasing, deleting bits, typing parts over again--as I am now doing--in just one single paragraph (indeed even a single sentence) because I am afraid of what someone will say if it is not perfect. This ideal of perfection, this mad and mindless gremlin inside my brain that seeks total dominion, suggests that there is one perfection that we must all measure up to. But this is false; it must be, isn't it? Either we are all perfect or none of us are. Either perfection exists in all of us, or it simply does not exist at all.

Yet, I still quest for it: Perfection. I have recently started my thesis for an MA in English, and as I search for the Perfect words to express my Perfect understanding of a subject that can never be Perfectly understood, I ask for input and good reads and, of course, criticism, because criticism is what helps us to think critically about ideas and so called facts, and to never accept anything as Perfect. So, as I post material for my thesis on the female quest, I welcome your input, because at least a better understanding will come from the sharing of ideas and musings, even when (especially when) they disagree with my own.